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Beef Borscht

In the dark and trying days of this here Right Wing dystopian nightmare, we find ourselves with a real hankerin' for some really delicious food. But with all the what's the point of living? atmosphere and an increasing terror of encountering the general public, we have a recipe that will satisfy the inhabitants of any bunker or undisclosed area. Enjoy!

Beef Borscht


2 pound beef short ribs

2 cups diced or quartered red beets

1 cup diced yellow onion

3 cups diced yellow potatoes

2 cups diced green cabbage

3 large bay leaves

3-5 whole black peppercorns

3 cloves

3 tablespoons canola oil

1 cup red wine

4 cup water

2 tablespoons kosher salt

red wine vinegar to taste

about 3 tablespoons


Spice mix:

2 tablespoons Kosher salt

1.5 teaspoons ground cumin

.75 teaspoon cayenne pepper

.75 teaspoon garlic salt


Optional garnishes:

sour cream or plain yogurt to taste

fresh dill to taste


Pre-heat a saute pan (preferably cast iron but no biggie if you don't have one. Just try to avoid teflon also not that big of a deal if teflon is all you have, anyway...)

Coat the ribs with the spice mix

add canola oil to hot pain

sear the seasoned beef until brown crust forms on all sides. Set aside.

Deglaze saute pan with red wine and 1 cup water.

Place all vegetables in a slow cooker.

Place browned short ribs on top of the vegetables.

Add redwine & water from saute pan, toss in 

bay leaves, peppercorns, cloves and kosher salt.

Set the slow cooker to desired cook time until the beef is tender enough to fall off the bone but maintains enough structure to not become pasty. because let me tell ya, that will ruin your day. 

Finish with red wine vinegar.

Add garnishes as desired.

Note: Before eating this delicious borscht, we recommend that you lock all your doors and windows, check for any listening devices that your sworn enemies may have placed in your home, and cover all webcams with black electrical tape.

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